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My name is Sadé Imara Anthony, I am a Black British 23 year old poet.
Previously, I was a Biomedical Science Student, who scored grades that were first class. This was all done whilst I worked on the weekends, balancing my jobs with a demanding degree and achieving the highest marks of my course. Black girl magic indeed.
However, tragedy did strike. This was in the form of a disease known as hypothyroidism. It started off as me just not getting refreshing sleep. No matter what how long I slept for, what time, or anything. I just did not get refreshing sleep.
This left me with a type of chronic fatigue I can only express as excruciating. No matter what I did, what I ate, I was so exhausted. I was overworked. Blood tests did not detect hypothyroidism. Simply low vitamin D and low iron. I had no time to keep requesting blood tests. I had work. A family that did not financially support me, I needed to hustle. I needed my degree.
Before I knew it I got to final year, and I could no longer study. The disease had affected my brain.
Losing my Science Degree
To say its been a grieving process is an understatement. My science degree was my life. Throughout childhood mental, physical and emotional abuse, it was my good grades, it was science, that was my saving grace. It was going to get me wealth. Stability. Career. But due to sickness, overworking, improper diagnosis, such a future is no long possible.
This devastation I have channeled into writing. I was a born writer. When I was a child, I would make books with paper and sellotape. I would design the cover, the back. Draw images. It would look like a physical paperback book. I did this at age 5, 6 up until about 11. I loved to write. Teachers loved my stories. I would be famous for my wonderful writing talent, that was matured, descriptive, and godlike for someone so young.
A Young Entrepreneur
I even tried to get my stories published. I remember I heard about how Charles Dickens, a famous Victorian writer, submitted his stories to the national newspaper, as a series for the reader to read every week. This inspired me. I remember I was about 12, and I submitted a story to the local newspaper, that I wanted to get serialised. It was about a father who took his daughter into the woods and murdered her with an axe. It is sad, but I believe it was my circumstances that inspired such a write.
The dark descriptiveness, moved the paper. Although it wasn’t serialised, it was posted on their online website. Readers were moved, wondering what circumstances a child could be in to right such horror works.
I continued with my writing. I wrote a children’s story book, called ‘Where’s my bone?’ at around 13. I was inspired by J.K Rowling’s 13 attempts to get Harry Potter published, and believed that my story could be similar. Although I was declined by publishers, I was not dismayed. I wrote another paperback, called ‘Nasty Nicola’ inspired by my toxic sibling. I did not try to publish this.
As I grew older, I left the world of writing behind and became more focused on studying. I saw my horrific family, who made me go to school with holes in my shoes and clothes, and realised my genius intelligence was what was going to get me out of the situation. The arts was not going to be financially stable for me, however my A* grades could get me a vocation.
Sadly, my poor health due to nutritional neglect by this very family, overworking, general stress and brain dysfunction has prevented this dream from actualising. However, my childhood dreams of becoming a famous writer, are now a possibility. When I lived in the Caribbean, trying to develop experience for a fantastic job, the lack of work to do a in slow paced environment, caused my creative juices to flow. Random poetry ideas would fly into my mind. Here and there. I started to create poetry. Months passed and before I knew it, I had a collection of over 40 poems.
Some of these poems I shared on my soundcloud, performing them to a beat. Writing as an adult was previously therapeutic. Now it was a passion.
When I returned back from the Caribbean, I realised within my psyche something had changed. I had chronic pain. Intense tension headaches. Severe depression. Dementia.
I made several suicide attempts. I tried to drown. Take pills. Overdose.
However they were not successful. I was in a psyche ward. I knew I was not mentally ill, but physically sick. However to be taken seriously as to have dementia at 23 is a ridiculous notion.
I returned to to city of my University, staying in the accommodation just because living with my family was indeed hell. They were not beings that had changed, or had any compassion for the fact that I was suffering so.
I met a random girl by the bus stop, when I was on my way to a job interview. She told me about poetry jams, where people perform their works. I was excited at such a possibility. Perform?! I remember I begged my mother to send me to drama school. She refused.
Finding my self through Poetry
I attended the poetry jam and performed one of my arts, Profiting off her Pain. A dark, sexual poem that received 2 applauds. People approached me after, impressed with the performance. I slipped away. I have not been very sociable in these last few months.
When I considered suicide again, I received an idea. To produce a poetry anthology, called Love, Melanin and Melancholy. Leave something behind. Share my talent with the world.
That is what I have done.
I have independently published Love, Melanin and Melancholy, a collection of arts written whilst in the Caribbean and going through such darkness. I saw the best platform to promote it was Instagram and realised that, of course, people will not purchase my arts if they have not seen my works. I now post my writings, poetry and philosophies on my Instagram page
The response has been phenomenal. In 7 days, I have attracted 50 extra followers. I have received messages from people all around the world appreciating my works. I understand, feel and know that although sales have been slow, I can in a years time establish myself as an Instagram writer, have a fan base and support for my writings.
It has given me a new happiness and reconnected me with my fearless, child self who did not give up, wanted more for herself, and more for her life.
If you would like to see my works, they are available on my Instagram, @sade.imara.anthony. Love, Melanin and Melancholy is available to purchase on Amazon USA, Europe and worldwide, as an eBook or a paperback. I say get the paperback. There is nothing like the feel of a book in your hands as you enjoy the words.
Thank you for reading!